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[17 Dec 2009|11:43pm] |
Well I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold
All the kids are talking slang I won't pretend to understand
All my friends are getting married, mortagages and pension plans
And it's obvious my angry adolescent days are done
And I'm happy and I'm settled in the person I've become
But that doesn't mean I'm settled up and sitting out the game
Time may change alot but some things may stay the same
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I yeah I won't grow up
Oh maturity's a wrapped up package deal so it seems
And ditching teenage fantasy means ditching all your dreams
All your friends and peers and family solomnly tell you you will
Have to grow up be an adult yeah be bored and unfulfilled
Oh when no ones yet explained to me exactly what's so great
About slaving 50 years away on something that you hate, about meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity
Well if that's your road then take it but it's not the road for me
And I won't sit down
And I won't shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And if all you ever do with your life
Is photosynthesize
Then you deserve every hour of these sleepless nights
That you spend wondering when you're gonna die
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| Persistent Determination |
[12 Oct 2009|10:38am] |
The few people I told thought I was absolutely nuts. They knew they couldn't stop me, and I was going to do it regardless. I decided the day before the race that I was going to run the Chicago Marathon. I'm not a runner, I didn't train for it but I say every year that ," oh next year I should that". There is no reason to wait until year.
I woke up yesterday at 5:30 am. I got ready and headed to Grant Park. I stood at the start line by myself, anxious, nervous and energeized. I had not trained at all. It's all mind over matter. Around mile 18 I wanted to stop. Then I asked myself why? There was no reason, I was not dead, my legs still worked and I was not in pain. So I kept going and going and going. At mile 25 at 18th and Michigan I didn't have anymore in me. I thought to myself that I was an idiot to even try this. I called Nicole and with my headphones on listened to her tell me I could do it. She coached me through the last mile and gave me a million reasons to not stop.
Then I did it, I turned the corner from Roosevelt onto Columbus. I started screaming, " I see it, I see it! I'm going to fucking finish this!!!" and I pushed for it with every ounce of energy inside of me.
I didn't complete the Chicago Marathon for anyone but myself. I did it because I have the mental capacity to do anything I put my mind to and sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.
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[26 Sep 2009|11:14am] |
Here we are in this world.
I don't know how we got here, but somehow we learned how to live here.
Now our brains are too big for our heads. They're expanding.
You can order your life through meticulous planning,
but it's a crapshoot
when things unexpectedly start to move faster.
And you try to avert a disaster.
But you can't always get what you're after.
I know you know this.
We all want to feel content,
but we need more than a place to shit and to lay a bed.
If sometimes living doesn't terrify you, if love doesn't pulverize you, then where are you at?
Where's the power in that?
Though it's been nothing but complicated
since the first time that two people dated,
and your heart makes you deathly afraid,
it's all you've got.
Is it impossible, friend?
Is it only a dream to find truth in the visions you see?
Or to believe the love that I'm waiting for is somewhere waiting for me?
Well maybe the way to get what you want
is to stop waiting for it to show up.
Have faith in the wind and the rain it will come (but only if you let it come).
Yeah, everyone feels alone.
Maybe more, maybe less, maybe this year or next or when they grow old.
But what a bogus affliction!
It's the human condition. We all want affection
and the sound of another heartbeat.
Maybe when this ends and the stars all call down for me
it'll finally make sense, or just as likely still be mystery.
I don't know where you are my friend,
I don't know if I'll ever know.
But maybe you'll be there when it's time to go.
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[13 Aug 2009|12:15pm] |
Horoscope
OverviewThis is one of those wonderful days when your achievements will far outpace any demands that are placed on you. You will definitely meet a big deadline early, so use that extra time to get ahead on another project -- and blow away more expectations. But be aware that working so efficiently might set you up for additional pressures and make you the go-to person from now on. You might want to camouflage your progress in an effort to manage expectations.
Is it October yet?
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[01 Aug 2009|10:12pm] |
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I'm sitting in my bed FREAKING OUT. 13.1 miles. I can do it. I hope. FUCK.
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[19 Jul 2009|10:40pm] |
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"Don't complain. Just work harder."
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[11 Jun 2009|02:30am] |
Today was weird.
I'm glad it's over.
I forgot I left AIM on, on my computer.
I came home to this :
sxebandits: i love you
and
thefirstdayback: i was listening to ska and realized i miss my friend meghan
Thanks.xo
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[27 May 2009|01:15am] |
"Summer is everything. At least once was, when we were young.
Then – when summer, and life, were new – summer represented freedom and friendship and an escape from the grayness of the rest of the year. Summer was not just a season; summer was a reward, even when we hadn’t done a thing to earn it. Summer was the time to breathe, to feel like someone else, to discover things about you that could never be discovered in November or February. Summer was the time when you were allowed to figure out who you were.
As we grow older, we allow summer to lose that. Summer doesn’t change – we do. The long days and warm nights that we used to cherish and linger over somehow become rushed and diminished, because we don’t pay proper attention; we have jobs now, and responsibilities, and deadlines to meet. There are times during the summer when – if someone were to ask us what month it is – we would have to hesitate for a second before figuring out whether it is June or July or August. Summer is a blur, or so we have permitted it to become; the one time of the year that should be clear and crisp and distinct, every summer day – is often anything but. It’s not summer’s fault. It’s ours."
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[05 Apr 2009|11:35am] |
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I don't know if you've heard, but my life is completely ridiculous.
Wednesday night I had to stay at work real late to deal with some bullshit. In the waiting period, one of my servers came up to me and said that the drummer for New Kids on the Block's back up band was eating at her table. I went over to see if she was telling the truth, and she was!
I talked to this guy Chris for awhile. When it was time to bring the bill, I sat down next to him and half jokingly and 100% seriously said, " I"ll buy you dinner if you get me tickets to the show Sunday in Champaign!". He laughed and thought it was a fair trade. We exchanged phone numbers and this morning I got a text that said " Hope you are well! See you tonight! You're all set"
So in a few hours I'm going to go pick up Kristen and drive down to U of I. We're going to visit Robby and then go to Assembly Hall and see Jabbawockees and New Kids on the Block.
The 8 year old verision of me is REAL excited. Oh fuck who am I kidding? The 26 year old version is pretty stoked too.
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[29 Mar 2009|07:37pm] |
2 weeks ago it was 70 and sunny on Sunday. This morning it was high of 30 and it felt like 18. That didn't stop us girls from running. I made a promise that I would finish this damn race if it killed me. Soupy kept me moving, even when I kinda wanted to die. Seeing my parents cheering me on around mile 2 was awesome. I finished 20 minutes faster than my time last year.
Here's to practicing for the half marathon I signed up for.
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[16 Mar 2009|12:34pm] |
I could get used to Sundays off. They are quite enjoyable.
It's getting nice out, that can only mean that my headaches and hours at work are going to be increasing.
Find me at the pier, bring me a slurpee.
I'm sure I'll need it.
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[14 Mar 2009|12:52am] |
For the last three weeks I've felt like I'm in way over my head. This feeling isn't going away anytime soon. It's too much at once.
I spent today going through all the things I should be doing in my head. Instead of doing those things, I laid in my bed and watched the Disney Channel and slept on and off. It felt fantastic. Tonight I had a lovely dinner date and watched The Dark Knight again. I stayed awake for the whole movie!
Has anyone seen RuPaul's Drag Race? It's one of the most insane shows I've seen in awhile. I'm not going to lie, I'm hooked. I came home from work Wednesday night, and was completely exhausted, both mental and physically. I sat on the couch and fell asleep sitting up watching that show. Between the craziness of that show and all the work stress I had the most insane dreams ever. Rupaul and work should never combine themselves in my dreams again.
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[19 Feb 2009|04:03am] |
I just am getting home from work. I ate a huge cookie and am going to bed. I'll wake up in 5 hours to do it all over again.
Can it be May yet? I just want to see No Doubt and Edna's Goldfish.
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[12 Feb 2009|08:55pm] |
I know this isn't new but......
I HATE UNCERTAINTY
Just sayin'
I managed to spend the better part of today watching a recorded Biggest Loser marathon. Now in attempts to never have to audition for that show, I'm going to the gym.
I
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[22 Jan 2009|10:53pm] |
Today was just the kind of day I needed.
Top 5 not in chronological order
1. Waking up at noon. I've been getting up between 8 and 9 normally, so this was a well deserved sleep in.
2. Not running into anyone I knew in Orland Park while running errands. I've had horrible luck out there lately.
3. Took down my Christmas tree. Yes, I know it's almost February. I was thinking of just changing the star on top to a heart and calling it a Valentine's Tree.
4. Dinner with Lynn. We had the server dying laughing because we are so blunt ,honest and hysterical.
5. Treadmill moshing. It's pretty much my new favorite activity. If you've seen the movie Burn After Reading. I look like Brad Pitt's character on the treadmill. There's nothing wrong with air drumming to Tragic Kingdom while you run.
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[11 Jan 2009|12:54pm] |
The 10th anniversary of my 16th birthday is coming up.
The only thing I could possibly want is for The Impossibes and Animal Chin to get back together and play a show.
Please?
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[06 Jan 2009|05:38pm] |
Me and my friends are like the drums on "Lust for Life”
We pound it out on floor toms
Our psalms are sing-along songs
And this whole town is like this
Been that way our whole lives
Just work at the mill until you die
Work at the mill, and then you die
We’re gonna build something, this summer
We’re gonna build something, this summer
We’ll put it back together- raise up a giant ladder
With love, and trust, and friends, and hammers (This summer!)
We’re gonna lean this ladder up against the water tower
Climb up to the top, and drink and talk (This summer!)
Me and my friends are like “Double-whiskey-coke-no-ice.”
We drink along in double time; might drink too much, but we feel fine
We’re gonna build something, this summer.
Gonna build something, this summer.
This summer, grant us all the power to drink on top of water towers,
With love, and trust, and shows, all summer (Get hammered!)
Let this be my annual reminder that we can all be something bigger
I went to your schools, I did my detention
But the walls are so gray, I couldn’t pay attention
I heard your gospel- it moved me to tears,
But I couldn’t find the hate, and I couldn’t find the fear
I met your Savior, I knelt at his feet,
And he took my ten bucks, and he went down the street
I tried to believe all the things that you said,
But my friends that aren’t dying are already dead.
Raise a toast to St. Joe Strummer
I think he might’ve been our only decent teacher
Getting older makes it harder to remember…we are our only saviors
We’re gonna build something, this summer 
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| This year let's live like we've never lived before. |
[02 Jan 2009|11:44am] |
My new year's eve was uneventful. Brendan Kelly was drunk, they played "100 Resolutions" at midnight, then they continued playing for an hour more. Everytime I thought to myself that it was getting late and we should just go, they started playing a song they had't played live in years. I saw The Lawrence Arms every time they played in 2008. Granted, it wasn't THAT many times but it still felt good.
Nicole,
Thanks for coming with me everytime. I love you.
xo,
mkb.
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[10 Dec 2008|08:13pm] |
Give me some religion, pass the wine
Because this time I can't hold it in
Like I always did
Give me some more TV, make it loud
Make believe, I'm in desperate need
For some company
Attention, this is not a test, help me get this moving target off my chest
From my closest friends
Save me from this recklessness
Talk some sense into this head
And I'll stop this endless S.O.S
Treading water with weights around my neck
A shipwreck of reckless accidents
Overboard and I'm about to quit
Head first, high dive in this deep end
Abandon ship, because it's sinking way too quick
Give me some forgiveness, and I'll try
Because this time if I pull the pin, I'll be blown to bits
Give me some more music, I'll sit and read the lyrics
Like a bible, a gospel, I'll sing long
Attention, this is not a test, help me swim to shore before unconsciousness
My hands feel like they're made of bricks
Save me from this hopelessness, talk some sense into this head
And I'll stop this endless S.O.S
I can't listen to all the reasons
I just need one more thing to believe in
The one thing that will keep me breathing
I'll kiss the dirt when I hit dry land
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